I'm probably doing this backwards, since I already wrote 2 posts on my thoughts on the word "grace" which were spurned on by reading Give Them Grace and Grace for the Good Girl...BUT here's a more official book review/recommendation complete w/ quotes directly from the book:
I loved this book b/c it helped me start thinking of my parenting in light of God's Grace. After reading this book, I was really convicted that I have made Jesus into a sort of "Santa Clause" that rewards us when we are good and punishes us when we are bad. The author continually points out throughout the book, that we do have to live by the "law" (as they did in the Old Testament before Jesus came to earth to die for our sin--the laws that we break) to prove that we love God out of fear of what He might do. We only need to rest in what He has DONE...died on the cross for our sin.
Here are some quotes from the forward of the book:
Long-term, sustained, gospel-motivated obedience can come only from faith in what Jesus has already done, not fear of what we must do...The law shows us what a sanctified life looks like, but it does not have sanctifying power. It's the gospel (what Jesus has done) that alone can give God-honoring animation to our obedience. The power to obey, in other words, comes from being moved and motivated by the completed work of Jesus for us. So, while the law directs us, only the gospel can drive us.
One of my favorites part of the book is in the beginning...the author points out the irony of telling people that they can't earn their way to heaven by their behavior (but rather need to trust in Jesus instead of relying on their own "goodness" b/c we aren't "good" we are sinners) but then follow that up with telling them that Christianity is all about their behavior and whether God is pleased or displeased with their actions.
We will never be able to "behave" perfectly, that is why Jesus had to die.
Why are so many of the people who I grew up with (in a legalistic church and school) no longer attending church or having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Because there has to be more than just head-knowledge from following a bunch of rules. There has to be obedience from the heart. Rules will be ignored or bent, or obeyed on the outside, but with rebelling on the inside.
The primary reason the majority of kids from Christian homes stray from the faith is that they never really heard it or had it to begin with. They were taught that God wants them to be good, that poor Jesus is sad when they disobey, and that asking Jesus into their heart is the breadth and depth of the gospel message. Scratch the surface of the faith of the young people around you and you'll find a disturbing deficiency of understanding of even the most basic tenets of Christianity.
The author gives alot of examples of child rearing situations and how we should respond to train our kids to continually think of God's grace. One of my favorite examples is when 2 brothers were fighting and one is hitting the other and the mother said, "stop, you must love your brother". The child responded with "But he makes me so mad! I can't love him". What I would naturally say is what the author says that she used to say as well, "Oh, yes, you can love him and you will! The Bible says you have to, so you can"
That sounds good. I would have said that. I have said that. I default to saying that b/c that is how I was raised. But then the author points out that instead we should say something like this:
Exactly! I'm so glad to hear you say that, because it shows me that God is working in you. It is true that God commands you to love your brother, but you can't. That is the bad news, but that is not all the new there is. The rest of the news is so exciting! You can't love your brother like God is asking you to, so you need a Rescuer to help you. And the really great new is that God has already sent one! His name is Jesus! Jesus has perfectly loved you and perfectly loved his brothers for you, fulfilling the law to love in your place. If you believe in him, he doesn't punish you, the way you were punishing and beating up your brother. Instead of punishing you, he took all the punishment you deserve when he died on the cross for you. He knows how angry you are. He knows that there are times you are hateful and selfish with your brother. Be he has loved you in spite of your sin. And because of this, because of the way you have been lavishly loved, if you believe in him, you will grow to love your brother more and more. Because of Jesus alone, because of what He has already done for you, you can learn how to love if you believe that he will be that loving with you. But you'll never be able to do this on your own.
This should still be followed up with discipline and prayer!
And I love how throughout the book the author points out that no matter how much we work on training on our children in and with grace, our actions will not save our children. There is no formula that guarantees their salvation or obedience. Grace-based parenting is not the "magic" formula to be followed for a certain result. Salvation is of the Lord. He might use us as a means to accomplish His purpose. But our children will only be saved by faith and it will be of God not of us.
These quoted portions in italics above are only from the forward and introduction sections of the book! There is sooo much more in the following chapters! Everything is backed up with scripture references as well! This is the type of book that I would like to read once a year to refresh and encourage myself in regards to parenting. Read it soon! Or MAYBE I'd let you borrow my copy although it's all marked up, underlined, and dog-eared! And by the way, as with any book, there are parts within the book that I may not agree whole heartedly with or they might *gasp* use a different version of the Bible that I don't personally own or my pastor doesn't preach out of...folks, THAT'S OK!! :-) We are big boys and girls and should be able to discern for ourselves. Compare things to what the Bible says!
I highly recommend this book (and I'm not getting paid or using any affiliate links that provide kickbacks) to any parent and grandparent! I would love to continue to post things I learned from reading this book as it would help cement these truths in my mind, but I don't want to lose the few readers/followers that I have on here! ha! Love to you all and thanks for reading what I write!
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